I don’t normally nap with Nellie. Once she’s asleep I put her in her bed and I try to get things done around the house or get some work done. But two days in a row I haven’t put her in bed. I held her until she woke up. Because I couldn’t let her go.
The other day I read an article in which the headline read Louisiana Grandmother Kills 4-Year-Old After Forcing Her To Drink Bottle of Whiskey. I held my sweet, little 2-year-old while I read this and I cried. So, I decided not to put her in her bed that day. I slept with her and it was everything my heart needed.
Today, I sat on the couch with Nellie, and as she drifted off to sleep I tapped my way through Instagram stories. I came across one that featured a photo of a newborn baby girl. And the text added to the story read “Weeping for my friends. What a sweet, sweet child”. I clicked on it so I could read the caption on the original post. It turns out the photo was posted asking for prayers because their beautiful 3-day-old baby girl had passed away. Three. Days. Old.
I looked down at Nellie and, again, I cried. I cried because I was suddenly swept back in time to when Nellie was just a week old and they were telling me that they would need to intubate her because her lungs didn’t look well due to pneumonia and E. Coli. You can read about that day here. Again, I decided to hold her rather than put her in bed.
My heart is absolutely broken for these families. It doesn’t matter that one had four years and the other had three days. The thought that their babies were ripped away from them is unfathomable to me.
I held my babe a little tighter and a little longer the last few days. I’m trying to soak in every single second I can because we are not immune to anything. We take each day as it comes, a blessing from God. And we thank him each night for the time we’ve had together.
Suddenly, her screams and whines aren’t as annoying. The fact that she throws toys everywhere isn’t driving me nuts. And when she wants me to sit and color with her instead of work, that’s what I’ll do. Nothing is more important than Nellie. God didn’t choose me to be her mom so that she could play by herself and watch TV. I was chosen to color with her, dance around the house with her, chase her, tickle her, love her, pray with her and for her, and teach her who she is in Christ.
Hug your littles (and bigs) a little longer today and thank God that you still have them. And if God forbid, you don’t have them with you any longer please know that I am praying for you. Those that have lost their children, at whatever age, have a special place in my heart. You were chosen and you were perfect for them. I hope you know that you were chosen just for them.
Please, if you need prayer, reach out. I am always here.