Nell and I had a rough morning. We woke up a little late. I had to finish preparing a fruit dish for my moms league (I joined a moms group!!). I had to get dressed, but had literally (yea, literally) nothing because I had thrown everything in the washer last night, but forgot to change it over. And the rest of my closet is not accessible at the moment. Nell kept running from me and kicking when I tried getting her dressed. She squirmed when I did her hair. She didn’t want to walk to the car. We were late. I was short with her. And definitely owed her an apology because she was just being a toddler.
Mmhm. We had that kind of morning. If you know, you know. Parents know. Mamas know.
Today, during our moms league meeting (I’ll talk more about this in the next post), one of the moms shared about her mom guilt. She noticed that she and her husband had been short and snippy with one another. And when she had taken a minute to really think about what was happening she realized that it’s not really him, but her.
Let me tell you about this mom. I don’t know her well and have only spoken to her a handful of times. So, this is just my first impression. She’s friendly and so kind. She’s got a great smile. She always dresses so cute. She’s such a great mom. She’s probably a perfect mom. I feel like her kids probably eat their veggies and are great listeners all the time. I’ll bet she doesn’t yell at them.
Well, little did I know. She and I are the same kind of mama.
She’s home with her kids all day. She wonders if she’s done chicken and french fries too many times that week. She yelled…again. Have they had too much tv time? Should she play with them more? And a million other things. And because she’s holding on to that she’s getting frustrated with her husband.
The guilt piles on because it’s what moms do. We pile on that guilt and self-shame; even though God has not asked us to do that to ourselves.
I spoke with her after our meeting and I cried. I cried because I needed to hear that from a mom that felt was superior to me. I needed to hear that she definitely yells at her kids (and apologizes later, which I have learned to do with Nell). I needed to know that she doesn’t always have a super balanced meal ready three times a day. And most importantly, she also has her tv on for her kids. I needed to know that she’s just like me.
I constantly compare myself to other moms. Am I doing as good of a job as I think they’re doing? Did you catch that? As I think.
It doesn’t matter what I think. Or what I see. What matters is that God chose me. And He chose me because He knows that I will be the one to make the right choices. I know I have said this same thing a million times. But there is a lot to be said for hearing it from someone you think is better at it than you.
And as for the guilt, why do I hold on to it? Guilt sees failure. God sees me. Hold on, I’m going to say that again.
Guilt sees failure. God sees me.
Guilt sees failure. God sees ME.
To that mama, thank you. Thank you for being transparent with us. I hope you know how much you helped turn my day around.
My impression of this mom had changed, but not in the way you’d think. I don’t less of her than before, but more. Being vulnerable in that way isn’t easy. Especially face-to-face.
Here’s a reminder before you go.
Mamas, we are seen. We are so much more than that guilt we so unnecessarily carry. And maybe you knew that already, but it’s such a great reminder that He isn’t there to tell us what we’re doing wrong, but rather how much He loves us and cares for us. His words are encouraging.