I Guess I’ll Stay

I Guess I’ll Stay

This post was almost my last.

The other day I mentioned to my cousin that I was in the process of writing my last blog post. She wasn’t really having any of that.

When she asked why I was doing that I said that I wasn’t sure there was anything left to say. Sometimes I feel like I talk about Nell being a preemie too much, even though it’s a huge part of our story. I’m probably overthinking it, though, right?

September is NICU awareness month. You’ve all read about my 70 days. That felt like forever. You didn’t read about Jordyn’s 165 days. That’s 5 1/2 months! That doesn’t include the 35 days she spent in a hospital room praying that her sweet baby would stay in just a bit longer. She spent 6 months in that hospital. But it all amounts to such an amazing story.

It took me a long time to see the blessing it our story. I truly believe that God brought Nell early because he knew I couldn’t handle giving birth without Bryan while wearing a mask. He knew she would need some time, but that she would come home perfectly healthy. I know that isn’t always the case. So, why were babies like Ellis born early and with more health issues than Nellie?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Especially with Ellis having been admitted into the NICU again recently. And it hit me. **Side note: Ellis is doing well. He was there for about a week, but his mama fought for him and got him out.**

Jordyn’s story is SO unique. Her doctors told her that her best option was to terminate her pregnancy. That wasn’t an option for her. And because she fought against everything her doctors said she now has her sweet baby boy at home. The day Ellis was discharged a doctor came in to talk to Jordyn and said the Ellis’ case was talked about every single morning before rounds. He said they had never seen anything like it before.

But now…now those same doctors will (hopefully) never tell another mama, in a similar situation, the same thing. They’ll never again say that the best option is termination. Now they’ve seen it. And because of Jordyn another mama has been saved from hearing those horrible words.

I don’t feel like I ask myself “why?” anymore. I don’t need to. And now I hope Jordyn won’t either. Our stories exist so that other mamas have someone to turn to when they need someone who understands.

I don’t feel the same as I did when I told Jordyn that I was no longer going to write. To be honest, if no one ever reads my blog again that’s okay. But I know that isn’t true. In fact, recently a friend told me they wanted to share it with someone that may need it. Parents in the same situation as myself and Jordyn need hope and they tend to find it in other success stories. They find hope in other mamas that have been there.

So, here I am. Share away.

Ellis: 9 months actual / 6 months adjusted – – Nellie-Anne: 20 months actual / 17 months adjusted

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