December 25, 2019.
This is the last photo I have of my pregnant with Nellie. Just three days later, one year ago today, I would wake up just after midnight to my bed soaking wet because my water broke…and I didn’t know.
If you’ve been following our story for any significant amount of time, you know our story. I woke up to fluid, I called Kaiser, they sent me to a specific location because of how far along I was, and 5 days later I gave birth to a 2lb 8oz baby girl at just 27 weeks.
There are so many feelings I had during this day last year. I remember not wanting to call my mom at 2am because I honestly didn’t think much of what was happening. I did call her. What I didn’t know is that she knew right away that my water had broken. But she didn’t want to scare me so she didn’t say anything while we were on the phone.
I remember feeling nervous because I didn’t know what was happening. I felt scared when the ER nurse told me my water had broke and I was being admitted, most likely until I gave birth. I felt overwhelmed by all the machine, IVs, cords, wires, and hospital staff. I felt lonely when I had to sit in that bed hooked up to monitors, even though I always had someone with me. I felt terrified when the doctor came in and told us what we should prepare ourselves for if we had her too early. And then I felt like a failure when my body gave up too early and Nell was born.
So many emotions surround this day. So many emotions that were warranted and necessary for me to get through that time. But they’re emotions I hope I never feel in that capacity ever again.
One year later, we have a perfectly healthy little girl. A girl whose first birthday we’re about to celebrate. And even though we’re happy, healthy, and thankfully past all of those crazy emotions, I will never forget what happened today in 2019. Today changed our lives forever.