The First Year

The First Year

[I started writing this post four days ago. #momlife]

“The first year is the hardest.”

That is what everyone told me and Bryan when we got married. They said our marriage would be tested and it wouldn’t be easy. And, they weren’t wrong.

Today, we celebrate four years of marriage. And of those four years, yes, the first year was tough. But, what everyone failed to tell us was that our marriage would be tested even further during the first year of parenthood.

I try to be as transparent as possible here. So, how do I say this? This shit is hard. I thought, after making it though our time in the NICU, there couldn’t be anything harder. Boy was I wrong! Yes, that was really hard for us. Unbearable, in fact. But, man, these last couple of months have been killer.

We’ve been experiencing some serious sleep regression. I’ve started calling her naps ‘blinks’ because I feel like that’s what she does. One second she’s asleep and then suddenly…she’s not anymore. And it’s even worse at night. She doesn’t sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time. That means that Bryan and I are up all night long. All. Night. Long. And when Bryan has to be at work early the next morning it means mama is up all night long. And because daddy goes to work mama is up early the next morning to get Nell through the day.

We’re also going through this thing where she refuses her bottle. She’ll get a few ounces down and then that’s it, she’s done. She doesn’t get upset, but she also won’t finish. And I feel like I’m not feeding her enough. While we try to keep her on a schedule, I’m also having to feed on-demand because the girl needs to eat.

And if that’s not enough, Nellie is also teething. She has two of her bottom teeth that have popped through. It’s hard to tell why she’s upset because I never know if it’s a diaper, hunger, or her teeth. There are times where we’re guessing. And that makes it even harder. I feel like I should just know what she needs, when she needs it. And when I don’t know I feel even worse.

But we’re getting through it all. And we’re doing it together. It’s not always easy, but it’s not always hard either. We’re having so much fun watching her grow and learn new things.

Nellie is now a crawler and has started to pull herself up to a standing position. We have no doubts she’ll be walking in the next few months.

She is also getting to eat some snacks, like puffs and yogurt melts, that we let her ‘pick out’. All that means is that mama puts a few in front of her and we buy whichever she grabs first. It’s a lot of fun.

We’re looking forward to celebrating her first birthday! I can’t even believe it’s been that long. Can’t wait to share that day with everyone!

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