Crappy To Happy

Crappy To Happy

I have been pretty open about my struggles with pumping and breastfeeding. Today was no different.

I called the NICU before leaving the house to see if they needed more milk for Nell. They says they did. So, I went to the freezer to pull bottles for them. I loaded up a little lunch box with ice packs and…every last bottle I had left.

I cried the whole way to the hospital. I cried when I told the nurse that that was everything I had left. I cried while I held my sweet daughter knowing that there is going to come a time where she would be supplemented with formula. I cried.

It’s been a really hard day. I know that I’ve been able to give her what she needs for the last 8 weeks, but I’ve potentially missed out on a wonderful bonding experience.

And then a really crappy day did a complete 180 and turned into a really wonderful evening.

Bryan and got to the hospital and when I looked into her bed I saw my baby girl’s face. I actually saw her whole face. Nellie no longer has the nasal cannula for oxygen.

I have never seen so much of her sweet, little face. It was exactly what I needed tonight. And, even though my experience with pumping/breastfeeding is still a huge struggle, I am going to revel in the fact that Nell is strong enough to no longer need oxygen support.

We’re getting so close to the end of our stay in the NICU. She just needs to work on bottle feeding and then we’re out.

I’m ready to begin life with her at home.

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