“A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true”
These are lyrics from a song that Cinderella sings. And I know in the movie she’s singing about finding her prince, her true love. For me, those words mean something different.
I’ve written a few times about my milk supply lowering substantially after about 3 1/2 weeks. And I’ve written about how much stress that’s put on me. I’ve been nervous that I won’t produce enough for her even when she’s ready to breastfeed. And then I began to become nervous about whether or not she would latch on properly.
What has me the most stressed out and anxious and all the feelings is that I feel like I might completely miss out on breastfeeding because my supply is so low.
That all changed today.
We went to the hospital for her 12:00 feeding. Her nurse asked if I wanted to put her to my breast and I said I did want to try.
We worked together to get Nell and myself positioned properly. And then the most amazing this happened. She started sucking.
I cried. I cried so hard that the charge nurse and the doctor came over to check on me. They were worried that something was wrong. When I turned to them and told them why I was crying they laughed and said they completely understood. I had happy tears. Joyful tears!
That was absolutely, undeniably, the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. And through the whole experience, I thought of that song. A dream is a wish your heart makes. My heart wished, so hard, that I would be able to have this time with Nell.
We’re still working on getting it down. When we went back to the hospital tonight and tried again she wasn’t interested. But the time I did have with her was so wonderful! For now, I’ll keep pumping until we get another shot at it.
I have an appointment with a lactation consultant tomorrow morning at 9am. I’m hoping that that will be the start of getting on the right track.
– She didn’t gain weight tonight, she lost weight. She’s back down to 2330g > 5lbs 2oz. But that’s okay because with her taking a bottle twice a day it means she’s working harder to eat.
– She’s still on 1L of oxygen, but she’s down to 21%. This means that they’ll be able to start lowering her oxygen support.