I didn’t visit Nell in the hospital this morning.

For the first time in 42 days, I didn’t visit her in the morning.

Her nurses have been encouraging me to only come when I’m feeling okay to come. They don’t want me to stress out. So, I told myself last night that I wouldn’t go in today.

During my 7am pump I was rethinking that decision. I had decided to go. And then I got a call from Hil telling me about the staff meeting at Sandals. I used that as a reason to keep myself occupied and not stress too much about Nell.

So, I didn’t go to the hospital this morning.

It felt weird. And I didn’t like it. I thought about it all morning. But I think it was necessary.

I did call to check on her. And of course, she was doing great. I still felt weird about not going. But feeling like I’d made the wrong choice faded.

I don’t know if I’d be able to do it again. But I did try today.

Hil and I visited after we left Sandals and spent about an hour with her.