Got Milk?

Got Milk?

Everyone always asked what my plans were for when it was time to have Nell. Would I have a natural birth? Epidural? No epidural? Will you breastfeed? Will you [insert question here]?

Of course, I had a plan. My plan was to have a healthy pregnancy, which I did. My plan was to give birth WITH an epidural because I’m a wimp. My plan was to breastfeed right away.

Well, my plans didn’t all work out. Even though my pregnancy was a healthy one I went into the hospital 13 weeks early. I was able to get the epidural, thank God! However, breastfeeding is where I’m stuck.

She’s too little for me to breastfeed. Totally understandable. So, I’ve been pumping. My milk came in in less than 3 days. From that point on my supply was great! I had a GREAT backup supply ready for her. She was on donor milk until I was able to pump enough for them to give her, but it wasn’t long. Before I knew it I had this waiting for her in my freezer:

Wow! Right? So amazing! Except…now my supply is WAY down. And she is definitely catching up with me. She’s up to 32ml every 3 hours and going up every day. Soon I’ll run out of these bottles and then what?

I’m not producing enough right now and that scares me. I am so scared that I am going to miss out on one of the best bonding times with her. I know she’s in the best hands and I know she’s doing so well. But I hate that she’s there because I’m missing out on this time with her. What if she comes home and I have nothing left for her? Then what? Then I’ve missed that time with her because she couldn’t come home.

I am doing everything I possibly can to not stress about this because I know it doesn’t help my supply. So I’m left in this void of not knowing what to feel about this.

For now, I’ll continue to do everything I possibly can. I’m drinking more water than I know what to do with. I’m eating anything with oatmeal in it. I’ve got things I can drink to up supply. I’m pumping every three hours, on her schedule so that my body knows to produce for when she’s hungry.

All of that…and I pray. I pray for my supply to be good enough to breastfeed when she’s ready. I pray that I get that time with her because it’s all I want right now.

Here are the most recent updates:

– she’s still on CPAP, on low settings, because she’s not quite ready for high flow.

– she’s up to 32ml every 3 hours. She was spitting up quite a bit so they’ve had to spread her feedings over an hour. Hopefully, she starts tolerating better and then they can go back down to higher, half-hour feedings.

– she’s gained weight! She is now 3lbs 7oz

Our girl is doing so, SO well! She’s so strong and independent.

3 thoughts on “Got Milk?

  1. I had a period when my milk started to tank. Things to try: hydrate!!( like so so much water you cant stand it), oatmeal, lactation cookies (can buy at target or recipe online), dark beer (seriously)

    See if you can get some audio or video of her noises or crying or anything like that and liaten while you pump.

    Everything will work out -love you guys


  2. I was told to pump often.. sometimes to pump and ten minutes after pump again.. my milk dried up with ilian and with tayler. Neither of them would latch due to underdeveloped pallet. Ilian still makes clicking noises and coughs when he feeds due to this. It’s all good momma. I felt the same.. like I was missing out. I even cried when my supply dried this time. But a fed baby is the best baby. I love you. Praying for you all daily.


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